Almost Home
by Oracle Phoenix
Summary: When Loki is brought to trial for his crimes against Midgard, he finds himself cast out of his home to the realm he most despises. Without his magic, he is forced into a struggle to survive alone. But love can be found in the strangest of places and not all those who wander are lost. Loki/F!OC
1. Drifting

**Disclaimer: **All recognizable content is the property of its respective owners.

**A/N:** Here's my crack at a Loki fic. I tried to come up with something that hadn't been too overdone. For the sake of reference, this is based on the movies Thor and The Avengers. It is set just after The Avengers. I haven't ever really read the comics so I have filled in the gaps with Norse mythology. That said, you won't need to know anything about mythology to read this and enjoy it. I hope you like it.

* * *

**Chapter One:** Drifting

Odin stared down at his youngest son, a deep frown creasing his brow. The crimes against Midgard were great and they had been lucky to reclaim the traitor Loki with as little struggle as they had, thanks to Thor. Now the child that he had raised stood before him in dishonor and the All Father wondered if it had, in fact, been wise to take the Jotun child into the house of Asgard. His instinct was to bring down the full force of justice upon Loki but the silent misery of his wife Frigga to his right, stayed his hand. From the moment he had brought the infant back from the war-torn battlefield of Jotunheim, Frigga had taken to the child as her own, even more than Odin himself. He was their son, though he did them no credit at times like these. Odin lowered his head wearily, to rest upon his upturned palm and rubbed his eyes in thought.

Loki's crimes had been worse than Thor's against the Jotun and yet, not so much worse. Odin had always favored Thor; his first, his own. He knew this. But that did not make it right. Looking down upon his two sons; Thor looking worried for his brother despite his anger and Loki trying his best to look insolent despite his fear, Odin saw with absolute clarity that neither one was yet fit to rule Asgard. They were still so much younger than they appeared to be. Their race and station gave them unrestrained power long before they were fit to wield it. Perhaps, then, the best course was to remove temptation. Perhaps a lesson, more than a punishment, was in order. Odin raised his hand to call for silence, though the gesture was unnecessary as the gathered crowd waited with baited breath. At last, he spoke.

"Loki…Odinson," he paused here and caught Loki's eye with a significant look.

Though Jotun he may be, he was raised in the house of Asgard and claimed as Odinson and would remain so. Loki looked right back at him, his expression betraying little. Perhaps he understood that the title was hardly beneficial in this situation. Odinson held connotations and responsibilities that Laufeyson did not and Loki would be judged all the more harshly for his status.

"You stand before me guilty of treason against the realm of Asgard, unwarranted acts of war against the people of Midgard, and the attempted disruption of order across the Nine Realms. What am I to do with you, Son of the House of Odin? How am I to treat this vicious betrayal?"

Loki stared up at him; half his face hidden behind the muzzle he still wore to keep him silent. He had the decency to look ashamed of himself and dropped his gaze to the ground before him, unable to look his father in the eye and even less inclined to face his mother who now wept silently.

"Were I to judge you as a man, your journey would end here today. Luckily for you, I will not. You are a boy, Loki, playing at power; childish and arrogant. You have shamed your house, your family, and yourself. For this, you will be punished as a child. I strip you of your title, your station, your strength, and your magic. You are banished to the realm of Midgard as a mortal. You will live as one of them, until you respect what it is to be one of them. You will be left to suffer and struggle as they do until you see it as the privilege that it is. Regardless of your behavior, you will not return here before a year has passed. If you do not learn well, then you will never return at all."

Loki's eyes narrowed and he seemed inclined to say something that the All Father would have made him regret. Odin knew that his words had cut to the core of Loki's pride and so much the better. He needed to learn that he was not better than anyone by simply being more powerful. A powerful man could destroy whole worlds if power was all he knew. Thor was learning rapidly from his contact with Midgard though he was often still childish and boastful. Loki, however, seemed determined not to change his mind. His lesson would come much harsher and it would be his own doing. But so be it.

Odin stood and stepped forward, placing his hand upon Loki's head. A light glowed brightly between them, then flickered and died. It was clear that Loki could sense an immediate change and he looked sick with grief at the loss of his most prized abilities. Odin shook his head in mild disapproval and spoke so only Loki could hear.

"There are more important things, my son. When you know this, you may return to us."

He removed his hand and raised his voice a fraction, beckoning to the guards.

"It is done. Remove him from my hall and bid Heimdall remove him from my realm."

With that, Odin turned his back upon his son.

* * *

4 Months Later…

Alice drifted through the mass of people, navigating the city sidewalks with practiced ease. Not so long ago, everything about this city had threatened to overwhelm her but now that seemed like another life. This was home, even if home wasn't always where her heart was. The night shift was getting to her but she refused to let it show. There was just something about the bright lights that made a person want to be strong. That and she couldn't admit to the people back home that they were right. The sun appeared through a gap in the buildings ahead and painted the skyscrapers golden but her eyes felt foggy in the early morning light. She'd have five hours to sleep when she got home and then it would be time to head out again. Cashier by day, waitress by night. Not nearly as exciting as being Iron Man, she guessed, but it paid the bills.

From the corner of her eye, Alice noticed a man sitting on a low wall near the entrance to the park. Normally, her eyes remained neutrally disinterested in such things at least since her second month here. By that point she had learned that you couldn't save every homeless person that you passed and if you tried to help them all you would be bankrupt. But there was something about this man that caught her eye and she couldn't quite describe what it was. She studied him surreptitiously as she approached and noticed that he looked to be about her age. He had probably been very handsome at some point but now he was painfully thin. Dark circles bruised the skin beneath his bright green eyes and his long black hair looked tangled and damp. But there was something wild and proud about him, a certain way that he looked out at the world, as though he knew more than anyone could guess, that caused her to halt a few feet from him and stare. Someone behind her knocked into her back with a grunt and a mumbled curse but she ignored them.

He noticed her and their eyes locked. He stared right back. Alice realized that he had no coin jar or anything else. He wasn't begging. He was just standing there as if the world around him couldn't touch him. There was a cold look in his vibrant eyes and a hard set to his jaw as he stared her down, like an animal, wounded, but refusing to back down from a fight. But behind those eyes there was a weariness that Alice recognized because it lived inside of her as well. There was loss and loneliness and even fear mirrored back at her in those strange eyes and she realized that they were what set him apart. This was a man who couldn't see a way to live but a part of him refused to die. And so here he was. And here she was. His cheekbones stood out at alarming angles and Alice could tell it had been some time since he'd last eaten. Her fingers tightened on the paper bag that held her breakfast and she sighed. Stepping forward, she noticed he refused to drop his gaze, but there was uncertainty and curiosity in his expression now. She held out the bag to him in offering with the most sincere smile she could muster in her exhaustion.

"Here…you look like you could use this more than me."

His eyes left her face a moment and glanced down at the bag with misgiving.

"It's…food," she explained, extending it out further toward him.

"Is it not your food?" he asked.

His accent was peculiar; similar to British but somehow strange and he spoke with a stiffly cultured tone that matched his eyes but spoke nothing to his current situation. It did, however, fit his bearing which only served to fluster Alice further.

"It is. But you can have it. You look like you could use a good meal."

Those electric eyes flashed as if in offense and he seemed on the verge of refusing but he glanced down at the bag again in longing and nodded. He took the bag from her with a defeated sigh.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," Alice answered with a smile, though it was a haunted smile.

As she walked away she could not shake the feeling that this encounter had been more than it appeared. She just couldn't bring herself to believe that this man wasn't somehow more than he seemed to be. With a shake of her head, Alice chalked it up to sleep deprivation and continued on her way home.


	2. Seen and Unseen

**Chapter Two: **Seen and Unseen

Loki watched as the woman retreated into the crowd before looking down at the bag in his hand. In four months, no one had paid him much attention or even seemed to give him a second thought. He was unaccustomed to such kindness from the people of Midgard or anywhere else for that matter. Hadn't he always been the outsider, after all? Hadn't he been the one that was passed over for everything; the black sheep, the forgotten son? He had been stewing in bitterness since the day the All Father had cast him out. He was now three times rejected and all the more angry for it. But he had nothing to do with all his aggression. With neither the powers of the Asgardians nor the Jotun, there was little more he could do in this realm than to look upon its people with distain. And so he had for four months. And for four months, they had looked back at him with his hatred reflected in their eyes.

They crawled across this Earth of theirs like rodents. Powerless, yet ever striving toward meaningless, simple things. They were wretched and he loathed them for it. Then came this woman, out of the milling throng, who saw him, it seemed, through the chaos. Perhaps saw in him a kindred or a soul in need. It mattered not. He sneered at the notion that she might consider him like herself, or worse, in need of her charity. That she would think of him so lowly when it should be him that was above them all. And yet, there was a small voice at the back of his mind which reveled in the light her kindness shed; that someone would see him when he had been invisible for so long. She had smiled at him, not in pity or condescension, but a true smile that had reached her tired eyes. It caused, in him, the most peculiar stirring of sentiment which he tried to quell without success and so he took a moment to consider her as he opened the bag.

The food was a strange assortment of meat, cheese, and egg upon bread. He had seen these kinds of things since his arrival in Midgard but had never had one. Such things would not be put together this way in Asgard. Even the food in this realm was of such low quality. His stomach rumbled and he sighed. This mortal form was difficult to maintain. It wanted for things constantly and was never satisfied. He was weaker than he could ever remember being and it galled him that he could not maintain himself the way that he preferred. It did not help matters that there was no work here that he could do. He had done some small amount of research on the subject and found it very difficult to find work here when one did not have papers affirming one's belonging to a nation and confirming one's identity. Most of him considered the idea of working for any of these mewling idiots beneath him, but there were times that he had considered it in desperation. However, he refused to lower himself to do any of the work he had seen set aside for so called "illegals". Instead, Loki had taken to stealing what he could. It wasn't much, and he had to be careful. With no powers he could not risk drawing the attention of the human authorities. But it had been enough to keep this mortal vessel alive, for better or worse.

Loki took a careful bite of the food and found it acceptable. If he were being honest with himself, it was much better than most of what he had found recently. Again, his thoughts turned to the woman. Most people here seemed fresh and rested in the mornings, or at the very least were rushing off to be somewhere in a hurry. She had been rumpled and weary looking and her steps were slow, the way most people looked when they were coming home. He wondered where she might have been and what her life was like. This confused and irritated him. He should not care about her plight. Yet she had cared about his and it was difficult to keep reminding himself that it shouldn't matter to him.

He perched himself on the low wall behind him as he ate and watched the people passing by him. He spent most days wandering the city and watching the humans as they went about their lives. Though it frustrated him to no end, he did not doubt that the All Father would expect him to learn a lesson here and would keep his word that Loki could not come home until he did. So each day he sought understanding but found nothing to love or respect in this world. He had begun to fear that he would never make it home.

Now, though, a small hope blossomed in his heart. This human was not like others he had encountered. Perhaps if he could find out more about her, he would learn what his father expected him to know. Perhaps this mortal would be his ticket home. A slow, cunning smile formed on his face. Perhaps she would come by here again tomorrow.

* * *

**A/N: **Chapters so far have been a bit shorter than what's normal for me so I apologize. I'm trying to keep updating regularly and depending on my schedule that might mean shorter updates sometimes but there will be much longer ones as well as we get further into the story. Please review! This is my first time writing Loki so I'd love to know what you think.


	3. Making a Start

**Chapter Three: **Making a Start

Alice got back to her apartment that night after her day shift and the door closed behind her with a soft click. She sighed and rubbed her temples, willing the headache she felt coming to go away. She had a couple hours until her next shift started and she needed to make dinner and change. Sometimes it was hard to remember why it had meant so much to her to live in this city. Little girl's dreams almost never worked out quite as planned but you just had to make the best of it. Outside her window, the city glittered like a bed of gems and she smiled in spite of herself. At least she lived up high enough to have a view.

Looking down on the city, she wondered idly what had happened to that man she'd given her breakfast to. For some reason, her mind rejected the idea of calling him homeless. Somehow, the term just didn't seem to fit him right. Alice wondered what had happened to him to end him up here when it was so obvious that he belonged somewhere else. She wondered how she could be so sure of things like that and why she hadn't been able to get him off her mind all day.

Her stomach rumbled and she pushed away from the window with a groan. She didn't have time to waste on random musings. Not tonight. Maybe on her day off. Alice stretched and wandered into the kitchen to forage for something halfway decent and tried to force the mysterious stranger out of her mind.

* * *

The next morning, Loki situated himself on the same low wall from the day before. He rarely returned to the same place but today he had a plan, all-be-it a slightly haphazard one. He had spent the better part of the past 24 hours attempting to decide how he should approach the woman were he to see her again. If he did not, she may simply pass him by. Yet he was unaccustomed to dealing with these humans. On his initial visit to this realm, he had used his power and magic to coerce cooperation. With that no longer an option, he would be forced to resort to more basic communication. But he was accustomed to being perceived as a prince and a god and quite aware that, in his current state, such a disposition would be frowned upon as hostile or perhaps insane. Acting would be required on his part though he was uncertain how he should begin.

As he sat pondering this, the sun began to rise and, like clockwork, the woman appeared within his view. As she had the day before, she appeared wearier than the people around her and, though she was young, her face was lined with stress. Her pale blond hair hung limp and her green eyes were slightly dull, but there was a fine bone structure beneath that surface and he wondered what she might look like if she were happier. With a small amount of panic, he realized that he still had not decided what to say and as she drew nearer, he caught his breath.

The woman noticed him as she had the day before and lifted her gaze to smile at him though there was a wary look about her. Loki realized that she must be wondering what he was doing there again. Likely, it would seem strange to her. Summoning his confidence whilst attempting to dampen the severity of his usual manner he smiled at her and spoke.

"Good morning."

She seemed to process this a moment, glancing around her uncertainly before stepping a little ways toward him.

"Good morning," she answered. "I'm sorry. I don't have anything for you today."

It dawned on Loki why she had been looking at him so uncomfortably and he nearly laughed. "I had no intention of begging food off of you this morning, though your offering yesterday was much appreciated."

The woman chuckled lightly and answered, "I'm glad. …That you enjoyed it, I mean. Not that…well, never mind."

It seemed to Loki that she remained nervous and it occurred to him that she might consider him a threat. He had learned, in his time here, that not all humans were particularly sane and those who lived on the streets were often infirmed or unstable. Perhaps she thought him dangerous. Maybe this was a bad idea. Certainly there was no good way to get to know her in his present state without frightening her. He would not have the answers he sought from this woman. Loki rubbed at his eyes in mild frustration and glanced back at her. Without his powers, the Trickster god felt naked and uncertain. He was never so wrong-footed and his silver tongue was like lead within his mouth. Surely this unremarkable human should not present such a challenge, he thought bitterly.

"My intent was not to bother you, forgive me. Pay me no mind. I don't know what I thought to accomplish by this," he said dismissively, now hoping she would go away.

The smile returned, more genuine this time, upon her face.

"It's no bother. Don't worry about it." She paused a moment in thought. "What's your name?"

This caught Loki off guard and he answered automatically without considering how the truth might sound. "Loki."

"Loki? What an unusual name. Like that god from the old mythology."

He nearly choked and favored her with a tight smile. "Yes. …Something like that." After a moment, it occurred to him that perhaps he should say more. "What is yours?"

"Alice."

Such a common name, he thought. "I like it," he said.

She rolled her eyes with a smirk. "Bet you don't," she said lightly.

"What gave you that impression?"

"Something about the look on your face. But it's okay. It's a name and it works for me."

Alice glanced down at her watch and her eyes grew wide.

"Sorry! I need to get home! I'm losing my chance to sleep for the day. But it was nice to see you again."

Her statement puzzled him but it seemed an inopportune moment to press her further.

"Very well. Have a pleasant day."

As Loki watched her retreating form rushing off into the crowd, he realized that he had been smiling. He was not sure what about her brought a smile to his face. Perhaps it was simply pleasing to have a conversation with someone who did not eye him with disdain. He wondered if it would be too forward of him to return again tomorrow. With that thought to ponder, he also drifted away into the crowd.

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**A/N: **To anybody reading this, I'd like your input on how much time I should spend on these initial encounters. As it stands, I have several options floating around my head for how to progress this but I can't quite decide. So let me know what you think. Should I account for all of their initial encounters or skip some time and get them into closer contact? Or something in between? You tell me. Thanks!

**EDIT: **Don't mind the chapter reposts. It's nothing major, just a few little mistakes that started bugging me once I noticed them. New update is in the works guys, fear not!


	4. The Smallest Steps

**A/N: **Thanks to everybody who has followed, favorited , and especially reviewed! You guys are awesome! You'll all be happy to know that I've roughed out the entire story to the end so I have a pretty good idea where we're going and should be able to get updates out in a timely manner. So have another chapter and some cookies and keep the reviews coming!

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**Chapter Four: **The Smallest Steps

Loki had spent a long night in an abandoned train tunnel and was feeling stiff, achy, and irritable the next morning. It was days like today that he felt most desperate to return to Asgard. It occurred to him that if he were ever going to learn his father's lesson, he was going to have to find a human that didn't fill him with loathing and currently his best bet was this Alice woman. It was for this reason that he found himself once again strategically placed along her route home despite his growing concerns about scaring her off. He squinted into the rising sun, watching people scurry off to face their day and felt his jaw clench. How could he be trapped here? How could everything have gone so wrong? He sat upon the wall with his elbows on his knees and for a moment he dropped his head into his hands. More than anything now, he was tired. Some days he believed he truly wanted nothing anymore. Some days he could not remember what wanting things had felt like. All things seemed distant and intangible and he could exist without them if only he could truly rest. As he sat staring wide-eyed down into the palms of his hands, a voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Are you alright?"

The voice was tentative and gentle and he knew instantly who it was. It was Alice. Loki raised his head and found her standing just in front of him. A wan smile turned his mouth and he replied dryly.

"As I ever am."

"Did something happen?" she asked.

"It is more that something continues to happen but it is not your concern." His voice came out sterner and more clipped than he had meant it to be and he winced when she drew away slightly, her brows knitting together. "Forgive me," he added. "I slept poorly."

Alice regarded him with an air of deep concentration, obviously thinking hard. He watched a decision resolve itself in her eyes before she opened her mouth to speak.

"You've been here each morning since we met, but until that day, I'd never seen you here before. Any particular reason why that might be?" she questioned boldly.

Loki looked up sharply at her and realized he had no answer. "What business is it of yours?"

"Fine. I won't trouble you in the future then."

The look in her eyes hardened and she turned to leave. A mild panic seized Loki's heart at the thought of losing this one small contact and though that fact angered him, he could not stop it. He stood abruptly and called after her to wait. Alice turned and faced him once more, her arms crossed and her mouth set in a grim line.

"Again, forgive me. I am a poor conversationalist at the best of times these days. It was not always so. Your question confounds me for I have no good answer. I suppose I sought to learn more about you, though why I cannot say for sure. You were kind to me. Few have been. Perhaps that is enough."

Alice stared at him in consternation as though she were trying to figure him out. Best of luck to her there, Loki thought in amusement. He wondered why she was still there and why he was still here and what had drawn them to this strange moment in the first place.

"Why do you talk like that?" she asked, drawing him once more from his reverie.

"Like what?"

"So…proper. No one talks like that anymore."

"I do," he observed dryly with a wry smirk. "I always have."

She rolled her eyes at him. "I can't tell if you're crazy or I'm crazy. Maybe we both are."

"Yes, well…I wouldn't know about that, would I?"

"You're impossible and I haven't slept in 16 hours, so if it's all the same to you I'm going to go now." She paused for another moment to study him and she shook her head and smiled. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

Loki saw weariness in her smile and realized that she must work nights instead of days. She certainly had the look of one returning instead of heading out and so he nodded, stepping back from her. Her eyes still held a bit of wariness for him as well and he averted his gaze and chose his words carefully.

"If you would prefer that I do not wait for you, then I will not."

This seemed to take her by surprise and she looked at him thoughtfully, obviously determining his sincerity. "That's alright," she said at last. "I don't mind."

"Then I will see you tomorrow."

With a slight incline of his head, Loki returned to the wall and watched her go with a mix of relief and regret.

* * *

Their meetings continued this way for several weeks, rarely more than a few minutes long, always tentative and odd, yet there seemed to be a charge between them. In Loki's mind, he refused to back down from this opportunity to end his banishment. If he could bring himself to like this human, then perhaps the All Father would be satisfied. A simple answer: cold and calculating. As far as Alice was concerned, she did not wish to hurt his feelings. Loki was a strange man but he seemed harmless enough and, if she was being honest, she was still intrigued by the wild divinity she had seen in his eyes at their first meeting.

These were the reasons that they gave themselves. Beneath the surface of things, however, perhaps a better answer was simply that they were lonely. Day to day existence was hard and both were invisible to most. Somehow they had seen one another through the haze of exhaustion and frustration and they clung to anything that separated them from themselves, even for a moment. Through this strange kinship with Loki, Alice began to feel that she harbored something unique and special. Conversely, Loki found in her some small sense of belonging. Each day he stood apart from all other humans, yet each day for a few minutes, Alice ushered him inside the circle.

Although these were notions that neither was willing to seriously entertain, they both felt them with growing certainty in their hearts. Try as they might to ignore it, their morning ritual had become important to them both.

As time went on, Loki became increasingly confident, regaining much of his former self-possession. Four months alone on Midgard had made him more out of practice than he had wanted to admit, but regular contact with another was bringing him back to himself. If Alice continued to find his mannerisms strange, she no longer mentioned it and he had managed to unintentionally pick up some of the ways of Midgard as well. Conversation flowed easier between them and, as time went on, their conversations grew longer.

For her part, Alice worried a little at first when Loki began to gain confidence. In full form, he had a startling presence, especially when a topic gripped him and dense energy stole into his eyes. A voice lingered in the back of her mind reminding her that this man was, at least to all appearances, homeless and had sought her out largely unprovoked. That should make her uncomfortable and yet, for the most part, she felt safe with him. She didn't doubt his earlier promise to leave her alone if that was what she wanted. But it wasn't what she wanted. He was the most interesting side note in her currently tedious life and something about knowing him made her feel like she was keeping a powerful secret.

Perhaps the strangest thing about their conversations was the randomness of their topics. Most mornings seemed to find Loki brooding over something and deep in thought. She would question him to learn the cause and the answer might be anything: from his lost home, which he refused to speak of much to the quantum structure of the universe. Whoever he had been in a former life, it was clear to Alice that he was almost breathtakingly intelligent. Much of what he would tell her of science ghosted over her head though she had been a curious child and always done well in school. But she listened with rapt attention, trying to understand. It made her sad to think of this powerful mind wasted and wandering the streets. She still had no inkling of what had brought him to this point and he flatly refused to tell her, though his refusals became gentler as time went on.

In the weeks that followed, Loki began to notice a strange softening of his heart toward Alice. He had been short-tempered and told her little in the beginning and that had made it harder for things to progress. A few times, he realized he came close to driving her off completely and he had made an effort to curb his usual harshness. Eventually, what had been intentional become unintentional and he was less and less able to find fault with her. He found the human understanding of existence to be childlike and overly simple, yet there was an innocence in that perception which he began find a certain beauty in. Alice tried hard to understand his explanations and she had an agile mind, but he doubted she would ever see things truly from his point of view. One could not understand the World Tree until one had walked its branches and sadly for her, that could never be.

Since meeting her, he had begun to spend a great deal of time at this city's library, trying to find words that she would understand to explain the things he knew. He wasn't sure why he wanted to teach her, or what he hoped to gain by it, only that he enjoyed seeing the light of discovery in her eyes and the way she hung on his words. Being able to talk of his magic, even in simple human terms, also eased the pain of his loss. He felt closer to his home by telling her about it, in the only way he knew she would believe him. Sometimes it was difficult not to simply blurt out the truth.

* * *

There was a chill in the air this morning as the sun rose higher and the sky above turned from pink to yellow to blue. Alice sat bundled in a thin jacket on the wall next to Loki and took another thoughtful bite of her sandwich. Loki was saying something about quarks a minute ago but had suddenly gone quiet. She glanced sideways at him and saw another of his introspective looks had found its way onto his face. They chewed in silence for a moment while she waited for him to collect his thoughts. His mood could turn sour quickly at times and she hoped to avoid that. After a minute or two the silence started to bug her and she nudged him gently on the shoulder.

"Whatcha thinkin'?"

Loki seemed to jump a foot in the air and looked at her sharply. It was obvious that he really had been elsewhere and she wondered, not for the first time, where he went when he got like that. It wasn't long ago that he would have snapped at her viciously for startling him, though he would never admit to being startled, but now instead his eyes focused on something distant and he let out a breath.

"Do you have any siblings?" he asked.

"Only child."

"Lucky you."

Alice laughed. "I take you're not?"

"I have one. An older brother…"

"Ah. The 'younger brother' complex." She smirked.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Just that you make a little more sense to me now."

He stared at her, anger and confusion warring on his face. He opened his mouth as if to speak and then closed it again. Slowly, the anger faded from his eyes and was replaced by a self-deprecating smile. "I suppose it is more common than I thought."

"The way I understand it, it's pretty much universal."

Loki started to laugh and Alice realized that she was seeing something new. Loki owned a lot of smiles, grins, and smirks and even a dark chuckle or two, but she had never before seen him truly laugh. It was as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. As his laughter subsided, he cursed emphatically.

"Damn."

"What?"

"If I ever make it home, I am galled to admit that I will owe him an apology." The expression on his face darkened. "I only hope that he can still accept it."

Alice favored him with a sad smile. "I'm sure he will."

"How can you be sure when you don't even know what I'm apologizing for?"

"If he loves you, he will be able to see that you're sincere."

"If…" Loki raised his head and looked up into the sky. "I seem to have a lot of these 'ifs'."

"I think we all do."

Without knowing why, Alice leaned her head against his shoulder. Later, she would wonder again and again what drove her to do it, but in the moment it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Perhaps Loki felt the same because he didn't brush her off. She felt him tense for a second and she expected the worst but instead he relaxed without comment. They sat that way for a long time, neither one speaking, just watching people pass by and Alice wondered at how such quiet moments could exist in such a noisy world.


	5. What the Night Knows

**A/N: **I'm so happy to see people reading and enjoying this story and want to extend a hearty "Thank you!" to anybody who is coming with me on this little adventure! It was important to me to get this chapter out to you sooner rather than later because my life is about to get complicated. I'm in college and finals week is fast approaching and I also work part time. I will try to find time to update in the next couple weeks, but if I can't, rest assured that I will soon have a month off school and will be updating regularly again in no time. Thanks so much for your patience.

* * *

**Chapter Five: **What the Night Knows

The room was dark and smoky but the stage shown brilliant through the gloom. Alice watched the singer jump around and felt the bass from the amps rattling her soul and a grin spread wide across her face. To most, this place was just another dive bar with a stage, but to Alice it was freedom. Cover was cheap and so was the alcohol, especially by city standards and she came here to blow off steam. One night a week she got off work. One night and she could shake off the weight of the world and remember what it was like to be a person again. The alcohol swimming in her system made her head a little light and helped her to forget that she was tired. As the song finished, she joined the shouting crowd, screaming for more.

Winding her way through the pit, she found the crowded bar and jockeyed for a spot. James was bartending tonight and she caught his eye and smiled, waving him over.

"What'll it be this time?" he asked.

"A shot of Cuervo and another beer."

He laughed. "You're on a mission tonight."

"I am. I can't remember the last time I had fun. I've missed this."

If truth be told, sharing breakfast with Loki had become an expensive habit. He never asked her for any food but she wanted to help. He looked like he could use a friend and no matter how high he might hold his head up, the evidence was plain that he hadn't been doing so well on his own. So she had started buying double the food in the mornings. It wasn't much, but it had been enough to cut into her meager budget for relaxation and it had been a while since she'd been out at night like this. Alice leaned forward onto the counter, still smiling at him.

"Don't worry about me. You know I don't overdo it. Have you seen Leena tonight?"

"I don't think she's come in yet, but if she does I'll send her your way."

"Thanks," she grinned. "She'll know where to find me."

He set the drinks up on the counter and she passed him the money and threaded back into the crowd, hoping that her friend would be out tonight. It had been too long since they'd had a real chance to talk. Settling in her usual spot against a railing, Alice downed the shot and contemplated the swimming sensation buzzing in her skull. Unbidden, thoughts of Loki entered her mind and she wondered where he was tonight and if he was okay. She wondered if he would enjoy a place like this and decided that he probably wouldn't. A new band was on stage now and she let her mind wander through the music aimlessly. She needed more nights like this one.

Leena never showed that night and when the lights went up, Alice shuffled out of the low brick building a little disappointed. It had still been a good night though and smiled up at the city lights above her. She stumbled a little as the cold autumn air hit her face and she shook her head to clear it. Getting her bearings, she headed off toward home, unaware that someone was watching from the shadows.

* * *

Loki wandered a familiar stretch of sidewalk, winding through the slowly thinning crowds. There was a certain hour in the city that never slept, in which the mass of humanity did dwindle and make its way home. This forgotten, seedy stretch in particular found a certain calm around 3 AM that Loki enjoyed immensely. The chill wind bit at his face but he hardly paid it any mind. Given his origins, his body was built for the cold and it had never troubled him much despite a thousand warm summers in Asgard.

Across the street, a grimy door opened and a small sea of people began to stumble out. Loki's keen senses detected alcohol in the air and one corner of his mouth turned up in a smirk. A wistful thought took him back to the hallowed halls of Asgard and Thor's massive bulk swinging drunkenly from Loki's shoulder, staggering away from the latest feast and yet convinced that he had not yet had enough. Some things, it seemed, were universal. He smiled a truer smile than was usual for him these days and watched as the humans filed past. It occurred to Loki that, in a state of inebriation, humans and Asgardians were not actually very different and for the first time he began to wonder if perhaps the vast chasm between them was more cultural than anything else. He sighed and began to turn away when he suddenly spotted a familiar face among the crowd.

He watched Alice stagger a little as she exited and her face turned toward him but did not see him. She was nicely dressed and smiling widely at the world and Loki was seized by a strange tightness in his chest. The thought drifted across the back of his mind that he found her beautiful. In the past, he had refused to give voice to such a notion. She was human and he was something much better and stronger. She was beneath him: a means to an end. But in that moment, Loki's heart beat a strangely human rhythm as he watched real joy light her features for the first time. He realized he was smiling with her and wondered why.

Uncertain what he hoped to accomplish, Loki began to walk along with her across the street. He couldn't decide if he should approach her but he was curious to see where she was going. It wasn't difficult to pace her without being noticed and in his mind he chided her for being so careless. Out of the corner of his eye, Loki saw a shadow move in an alley as Alice passed and his eyes narrowed as a man emerged from the darkness, moving slowly at first and then faster toward her. She turned her head at the sound of footsteps and gave a strangled cry as they both broke into a run. Loki instinctively raised his hand to conjure and throw a shard at her attacker. When nothing happened, he faltered for a second, staring blankly down at his hand, before remembering why his magic had failed him. For another half second he hesitated. Thor was the one that fought with his brute strength while tricks and cleverness were Loki's stock and trade. Compared to the warrior gods, Loki was weak and although he had been much stronger than a human he now worried that strength may have abandoned him along with the rest.

His decision was made for him, however, when her attacker caught up with her and pushed her to the ground. Loki was off running before he could consider the wisdom of his decision. Without the strength of a god, he would be no match for the larger man, but instinct and protectiveness over this human, _his_ human, superseded all else. He crossed the street in several long strides and pulled the man off of Alice, throwing him bodily against the outside of the nearest building. Loki rounded on him, feeling vitality coursing through him that he had not known in months. For a few brief moments, the god of legend was reborn, who had fought in wars, defeated monsters, back to back with the God of Thunder. As the man struggled to rise, Loki kicked him down. He turned to check on Alice only to feel the assailant at his back, attempting to choke him. Loki drove viciously backward with his elbow and flipped the man up and over his shoulder, throwing him down between himself and Alice. Wide-eyed, the man relented and begged for his life and Loki, unhearing, cocked back his arm to deliver a killing strike. For an instant, Loki glanced up and met Alice's eyes with his own. He saw a look of fear upon her face that was no longer directed at her attacker. Eyes wide in shock and mouth slightly agape, she stared back at him with a terrible kind of awe and, to Loki's surprise, this did not please him.

From the time that he had first encountered Midgard, Loki had wanted nothing so much as to be feared. Now, suddenly, it appeared that something had changed within him. Staring into the face of her panic and uncertainty gave him no pleasure, and he felt his strength begin to slacken and his arm begin to lower. Turning his gaze back upon her would-be attacker, Loki felt no similar remorse to look upon his fear. Yet something told him that he could not have vengeance and Alice both. He would have to choose. For all the rage and hatred she might feel for the man, she would not bear to have him slain in front of her. This was a different kind of world than Loki was accustomed to. Ignorant to the coward's continued pleas; he nevertheless dropped his arm and glowered into the man's eyes. To his surprise, a feral growl escaped his throat, one that he had never heard outside the realm of Jotunheim. It startled him to recall their battle sounds and hear them repeated by his own voice and a slight tremor settled into his limbs as the criminal ran off into the night.

* * *

Sobriety had returned quickly and with a vengeance to Alice and she felt almost crushed beneath the gravity of the situation. Her body trembled as her gaze shifted back to Loki from the bastard that was now running for his life into an alley. Her breath caught in her throat as she belatedly noticed the menacing growl that seemed to have come from Loki and she looked up to find his eyes had changed. Even in the low light of the street, she could tell that they were a vibrant and unnatural shade of red and, for a second, she could swear she saw strange patterns move beneath his skin. She gasped and leapt back away from him, regaining her distance.

For his part, Loki seemed suddenly unsure of himself. He faltered and glanced around himself anxiously before returning his eyes, almost shyly, to hers. Despite his valiant rescue, his body language belied an undercurrent of shame and as she watched, his eyes shifted seamlessly back to green. Equal parts frightened and grateful, Alice could not decide whether to move toward him or away and so she simply held her ground.

"Your eyes," she began. "They were red a second ago."

His brow furrowed in discomfort at the information and his posture tensed. He looked away and then back again as if he were unsure what he should do. When no explanation seemed forthcoming, Alice forged ahead.

"What are you…really?" she asked, scanning him uncertainly through narrowed eyes.

Loki swallowed hard and seemed to forcibly slow his own breathing, regaining some of his typical composure.

"What do I appear to be?"

Alice searched her mind for a proper answer, only mildly annoyed that he had answered her question with a question. It used to drive her crazy when he did that. Now she only stared back at him, at a loss for words. On some level she was afraid to voice her true opinion; for fear that it would leave her unable to justify her involvement with him any longer. If he wasn't human, she realized that she wasn't ready to know that yet. The world was turning faster, it seemed, than she had come prepared for. Looking into his eyes, she saw uncertainty, curiosity, and a surprising vulnerability that she hadn't expected. Trusting an instinct that she couldn't quite explain, she laid the most difficult questions aside for the time being.

"A very strange man," she answered at last.

Loki seemed amused by this answer and he chuckled lightly at her.

"Then perhaps I _am_ what I appear to be."

An odd silence stretched between them until; finally, Alice broke it with yet another question that had been troubling her.

"Were you following me?" she asked quietly.

"I…not exactly." Loki dropped his gaze, looking slightly uncomfortable.

"I'm not sure that you can 'kind of' follow someone."

"I happened upon you by chance this evening but was curious to see where you would go."

Alice mulled this over for a moment, deciding that it was as good an answer as any.

"I suppose I should be grateful for that," she said, taking a small step forward.

Alice was still wrong-footed by all that had happened in the last few minutes, still uncertain about the wisdom of being alone with this strange and obviously powerful man, and desperately attempting to recover her equilibrium. She noticed that the aura of power that had radiated from him a moment ago seemed to have dissipated, leaving him more unsure of himself than he had been in a very long time. Neither of them seemed quite sure what to do. Finally, Alice realized that whatever else he was, whatever else might be at work, he had saved her from something terrible and it was unfair to keep him at arm's length.

"Thank you. Very much," she smiled. "I'm glad that you were here."

A look of relief washed over Loki's features and the tension between them eased considerably.

"So am I. Are you injured?"

"No. I'll be alright."

Alice drew in a ragged breath and rubbed her arms to restore some warmth to them. She hadn't lied about being more or less alright but she was still shaky. Looking around her, the night now seemed much darker than it had a few minutes earlier and she realized that she was dreading the rest of her walk home. Loki seemed to notice the uncertainty in her eyes.

"The city can be dangerous. Would you like for me to escort you home tonight?"

Alice thought about this for a long moment. Her logical mind still told her that she shouldn't be putting so much trust in this strange man, but she couldn't deny the feeling of safety he gave her. She was wracked by indecision but also suddenly desperate not to walk home alone. She gazed up at him uncertainly and bit her lip.

"If would prefer that I leave, then I will," he added quietly, dropping his gaze.

"Is that code for, 'go back to quietly stalking me from a distance'," she asked without any real malice. A wry smirk twisted her lips for a moment and she could almost swear that he blushed.

"No," he hastened to answer. "If you wish for me to leave then I will honor that."

Alice gave him an appraising glance and found a look of earnestness had softened his features. She smiled at this.

"I suppose it wouldn't hurt to have a bodyguard tonight."

A genuine grin broke across Loki's face and he had to struggle to regain his gravitas. He cleared his throat and glanced around a moment. When his eyes returned to hers, his expression had sobered but a spark still lingered in his gaze.

"Very well." He gestured magnanimously for her to proceed ahead of him. "Lead on, then."

* * *

The walk home had been uneventful but Loki found himself glad of the chance to speak with Alice further. She had been enjoyable company in the past but something had changed in his perception this evening. Perhaps it had begun with his realization that he found her beautiful; that a human could be beautiful. Suddenly his existence in this realm did not seem quite so oppressive and he began to look around him with curiosity. For the first time, he asked her deeper questions about her life. He wished that he could speak more freely of himself so that she would understand the kind of answers that he sought.

Something held him back, though, from declaring himself to her. Though it was clear that she had seen enough to doubt his humanity, her obvious unwillingness to ask the real questions on her mind told him that she wasn't ready to know the truth. As a lull appeared in their pleasant conversation, Loki took a moment to brood on his partial transformation. His powers were gone, yet apparently that could not completely mask his true form. This troubled him far more than it empowered him. For, though it seemed to return some measure of his strength, he could hardly bear to be associated with those beasts.

Though much had happened since his father's confession, that revelation still weighed heaviest of his mind. He had experimented, at first, with frost spells in an attempt to reveal his true face before a mirror. Only once had he succeeded and that had been enough. He had never done it again and had tried, with little success, to forget what he had seen. Lost inside painful memories, Loki hung his head in shame.

* * *

Alice could hardly believe that Loki tonight was the same guy she'd been talking to for well over a month. He seemed animated and somehow revived as if he had returned from the dead. He smiled more and was suddenly very curious about her life. She had promptly told him that her life was mostly very boring but that hadn't deterred him. Now less focused on broad concepts of the universe, Loki seemed content to talk to her about small things and he told her stories of people that he had observed on the streets.

They had been walking in companionable silence for a few minutes when Alice noticed that Loki's expression was becoming increasingly troubled. She didn't decide to interrupt his thoughts until she saw his shoulders slump and his head lower sadly. He seemed to shrink right in front of her, burdened by some hidden pain. This sort of thing would happen at the most random times and with the most obscure triggers for Loki. It always worried her, but tonight she felt a little closer to him than before and so she decided to push her luck. She reached out and placed a hand on his arm.

"Hey…are you okay?" she asked gently.

Loki drew his head up slowly and looked at her with tired eyes. He seemed unsure what he should say. Lost for words, he blew out a breath which fogged in the crisp night air and looked up at the sky, which he also seemed to do a lot.

"I am…a long way from home. Longer than even I would willingly admit. Before I left, I was told a terrible secret about myself. It has made me…lonely."

It appeared that he was unwilling to meet her eye and instead continued gazing out toward the stars, made invisible by the ambient light of the city. Alice thought back to the way his eyes had glowed red earlier and wondered just how far he had come. To her surprise, the thought didn't bother her the way it might have before. Whatever else he was, he seemed lost and sad and in need of a friend. Alice linked her arm through his and leaned closer to him, testing the limits of their strange relationship.

"You're not alone. I don't know where you're from or how far away it is, but now that you're here, you have a friend. I know that's not very much…"

"It is more than you know." Loki smiled, soft and genuine: another new expression for his face.

They came upon a dark, grimy brick building with a rusted iron gate which barred a dingy stairwell. With a self-conscious shrug, Alice jerked her thumb in the direction of the entry.

"This is me," she said, letting her pale blond bangs fall into her eyes and hide her face a bit.

She wasn't sure why she would be embarrassed. After all, wasn't he a homeless guy? But something told her that he had been someone important somewhere once and that he had known amazing things. Her tiny, sad apartment didn't feel like much compared to whatever that had been. She noticed a look of shock cross his features and dipped her head lower. Loki recovered himself quickly, to his credit, and gave a small, polite nod, stepping back and unlinking their arms.

"Very well, then."

He took her hand and raised the backs of her fingers to his lips, bowing slightly in the courtly manner. It startled Alice and she felt herself turn red.

"I bid you goodnight."

His hand lingered, holding hers longer than was necessary and Alice found herself wishing that he wouldn't let go. She made no move to extricate herself, instead moving closer to him.

"Thanks for the security detail," she smirked.

"It was my pleasure."

In that moment, Alice realized just how close they were now standing and she impulsively reached out a hand to touch his lean chest. Loki was wiry but solid, his presence powerful and masculine. She wished to move closer but she didn't dare. Loki had always been a little strange about people in his personal space. Sometimes he tolerated it well, but other times it seemed to frustrate and unnerve him. Alice remained still, staring up into his face and waiting to see what he would do. His hand released hers and she felt his strong but gentle touch on her waist. His fingers curled around her sides and she shuddered in pleasure. He leaned toward her, his lips mere inches from hers and slight confusion registered somewhere in the back of her mind that his breath was not as warm as one would expect. An almost magnetic sort of gravity pulled her forward and all thought was driven from her mind as their lips collided. Loki's kiss was bold and confident, almost possessive, but there was gentleness in it too. Her hands snaked up to his shoulders, clutching at his shirt there as her eyes slid closed. If she had noticed the chemistry building between them before then it had been a subtle sensation. Somehow she hadn't seen this coming, though she now realized that it was what she had wanted all along. Again, her logical brain whispered that his skin was strangely cool to the touch.

Suddenly, Alice felt Loki's posture tense and his hands became bracing as he forced distance between them. Reeling backward, she tried to regain her composure and understand what had happened. She searched his eyes for any sign of where she went wrong. Loki was breathing hard and there was an electric intensity in his luminous green eyes. He looked startled and his body language practically screamed for personal space. Alice's heart sank.

"I'm sorry," she offered meekly. "Did I do something wrong?"

A look of guilt tempered what appeared to be panic in his eyes and he shook his head.

"You did nothing wrong. I must go."

Loki hesitated for only a split second more before turning on his heel and retreating at a rapid pace.

"Wait!" Alice called after him.

He paused for half a step but didn't turn around. In another minute he had vanished around a corner. Confused and hurt, she curled her arms around herself and tried to deny the tears that pricked her eyes. She didn't understand what could have happened. To her, it had felt so right. With a sad shake of her head and a silent prayer that he was alright and she would see him again, Alice turned and made her way inside.

* * *

**A/N: **Told you the chapters would get longer! Hope you liked it. Please R&R.

Also, this story has its own blog on Tumblr. The chapters are posted there along with songs that inspired my writing and other random things. That's also where to go for non-chapter updates like how the writing is coming, reasons for delays, etc. and occasional insights into character and whatnot. Check it out if you're into that sort of thing. Just remove the spaces. :)

lokialmosthome . tumbr . com


	6. Cold Feet

**A/N: **Finally finished this chapter! Bwahahahahaha! I am soooo sorry that it took this long. You guys are wonderful! Thanks for being patient! =D

* * *

**Chapter Six: **Cold Feet

Several blocks away, Loki stopped and rested his head against the outer wall of a building. He realized that he couldn't even feel the cold seeping into his skin from the brick. This frightened him. Looking down at his hands, Loki found faint traces of the Jotun ancestral lines etched into his long pale fingers. He clenched his jaw and made a fist, willing them to disappear. After a moment, they did and he breathed a sigh of relief. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe calmly.

The warmth of Alice's lips lingered on his skin and Loki let it fill him up and push the cold away from his heart. As the two sensations warred within him, he shivered. Despite his fear and confusion, a smile curled his lips. He remembered her touch and her willingness; the way she yielded and offered herself to him. Loki found himself surprised that she could be so open in spite of what she had seen of him. She seemed smart and independent yet so unafraid. It flew in the face of everything that he believed about humans.

Straightening up, Loki wandered around the corner into an alley and slid down to sit with his back against the wall. He clasped his hands between his knees and studied the backs of his fingers which had returned to their usual appearance. He lowered his head and rubbed roughly at his temples. As Loki began to calm down, he tried to understand why he would be suddenly reverting to a Jotun form. A tremor ran through him at the thought. It occurred to him that perhaps the magic of Asgard had been suppressing his truer nature all these years and now, in the absence of it, he could not sustain his form. He cried out in frustration. Not only did this disturb him on a fundamental level, it further complicated his life here on Midgard. If he couldn't control himself, well…he couldn't exactly walk around blue here could he? Loki pressed the palms of his hands up to his eyes, contemplating the pressure that left spots across his vision. He would need a new plan and a better understanding of his situation before he could proceed.

He pushed up and away from the wall and wandered back out onto the sidewalk, staring up into the sky with a bitter smile. "Are you happy now, old man?" he called into the darkness. A few people passing on the street gave him a wide berth and he ignored them and began to prowl the dark city, deep in thought.

He had finally found something to like on Midgard and now he must be troubled by this new injury. It had not escaped his notice that the Jotun form only seemed to have appeared around Alice. Perhaps his sudden stirrings of feeling for her interrupted a concentration that he didn't know he had been keeping. Could he risk seeing her again or would the change continue? Would it become permanent? Loki shuddered at that thought. The people of Earth would not receive that lightly. He would be a freak in two realms and nowhere would be safe for him. He stopped and tried to calm himself, remembering to breathe. There was no proof that such a thing would happen, but then his situation was unprecedented. He still was not sure why his appearance had changed in the presence of Odin to begin with. It was no more certain why or how he would revert if that was, indeed, what he was doing.

With a sigh, Loki resolved to take things slowly. He would not risk further contact with Alice until he better understood this new problem. In the meantime, he would study himself. An unfamiliar stab pierced his chest which he vaguely recognized as guilt. Alice would not understand why he had disappeared. She might think that she had done something to upset him. He shook his head. It couldn't be helped. She would simply have to wait until he could trust himself to be near her again. With his mind made up, the ancient Trickster turned a corner and casually vanished into the night.

* * *

Alice heard the door click shut behind her with an almost resounding sort of finality. Her heart felt heavy. Things had been going so well. She'd never seen Loki so engaged in the world around him, or in her. Her cheeks flushed a little at the memory. He had felt so good and yet she couldn't shake the strangeness of it all. Her head still swam a little with the alcohol in her system so she sat down on her battered couch and tried to think, taking stock of everything she had observed.

He was incredibly intelligent. He understood the universe in a way that she couldn't pretend to really keep up with. He spoke like he was from a different time and place altogether. There was that wild spark in his eyes too that she had noticed from the start. She began to add her more recent discoveries to the list. His eyes turned red seemingly when he was angry and strange patterns appeared (possibly) under his skin. She couldn't fully confirm that one. His breath was cool and so were his lips; cooler than any guy she had kissed before and, she assumed, most people. While they weren't exactly cold, they still seemed too low for a normal internal body temperature. She grasped at anything else that might come to mind. After a long, reluctant pause she added to her mental list: his name is Loki. A nagging voice at the back of her head recalled something from college and suggested, quite ridiculously, that 'wasn't the Norse god Loki supposed to have also been a frost giant?' At this, Alice shook her head and laughed out loud. God, she really was drunk. Something weird was going on with him, that was for certain, but an ancient lost god? No way. After the past few years in this city and everything that had changed, she could accept 'alien' as a possibility. That no longer seemed so far-fetched. But a god was something else entirely and a step too far for any sane person. He probably had some new-aged hippies for parents that just thought it was a really cool name.

She shook herself again and stood up on wobbly legs, headed for her bedroom. A shower would do her wonders right now. As she kicked out of the last of her clothes and stepped into the hot water, Alice closed her eyes and turned her attention to more practical aspects of her 'relationship' with Loki, if you could call it that. He had saved her tonight. Whether it was her money, her modesty, or her life…or all three, she wasn't sure. But he had saved her. No arguments there. Still, the cold vengeance and cruelty in his eyes had left her breathless and made her shudder even now. For a moment, she had fully believed that he would kill the man and that had worried her. Was he dangerous? She didn't know. He probably was. But then he had seemed ashamed of himself and suddenly uncertain, as if he was one thing by nature and yet trying desperately to be another. Maybe for her benefit. She didn't know that either.

The steam rose up around her and she breathed it in, trying to lose herself in the sensation. She leaned her forehead against the tile and allowed the water to run over her, clearing the fog from her mind. She couldn't trust him. But he made her happy. How could she feel so safe and calm around a person with such violence inside of them? Maybe because he had never directed it at her. She seemed to be one of the few, if any, people that he liked although it was hard to say for sure. Still, that didn't make it right. Would it be wrong to just not think about it, to not ask herself those questions yet? With a groan, Alice thunked her head against the wall lightly in frustration.

He could be kind, she thought with a small smile. She remembered how his eyes lit up when he told her about the cosmos and then tonight about little things like never before. It seemed that he worried about her, that he wanted to protect her. He hadn't tried to take anything from her or use her in all the time she had known him and he hadn't tried to come upstairs tonight. He was polite and respectful actually: a more proper gentleman than anybody she'd ever dated. He couldn't be all bad. And then he had gone. Her expression soured. He had seemed so upset and she wondered why. She decided to believe him that it wasn't her fault. The struggle had seemed internal. But she wondered if there was anything that she could do to help and what the problem had been in the first place. She sighed. There were so many questions that she didn't know how to ask him. Maybe she would find the words next time they saw each other.

* * *

But next time refused to come. Each day, Alice left her shift at the diner and walked the same path home and each day she searched for him. He wasn't there. It began to feel like he had never been there at all except for the small, uncomfortable longing that she tried not to feel. Four days passed, then a week, which soon became two. There was no sign of him. The nights grew colder until she found herself bundled into her thickest coat still freezing. She was worried about him.

As far as Alice knew, Loki had nowhere that he lived. Since she didn't know what was wrong when he had left her, she didn't know if he was in danger. He could be dead. Or he could be fine and simply avoiding her. Maybe the kiss had panicked him. He was a strange man with some rather serious personal boundary issues. Maybe it was too much too soon. But oh, what she wouldn't give to know that he was okay. Each night the weather worsened, Alice spent staring out into the dark and hoping he was warm.

* * *

Wind blew bitter cold into the mouth of the train tunnel and Loki shivered harder than he ever had in his long life. Condensation had frozen on his skin leaving trails of ice in their wake. In the last day or so he had developed a deep wracking cough that shook his thin body. This fragile human form appeared to be running a fever and he was dizzy and weak. All of this could be avoided, he knew, if he simply permitted himself to revert to Jotun form but his pride would not allow it.

In any case, it would be too dangerous to walk this Earth that way. He would draw unwanted attention to himself. And so he had spent his time away from Alice practicing meditation and control. He had clamped down so thoroughly on that part of himself that it was once again well and truly buried. Even when he slept he remained on high alert, never allowing himself to relax lest he change in his sleep.

Two weeks had passed since he had seen Alice. His Alice. Loneliness was not something he had ever had to contend with in Asgard. There had been too many people and too much noise for his liking and he had preferred his own company. Now, however, this cold world felt empty and he hated being alone. And he hated himself for hating it. Food had been scarce lately and he missed eating with her in the mornings. It had been good food, he finally admitted. Another strong gust hit him hard and set him off coughing again. It nearly doubled him over gasping for air. Tears sprang to his eyes from the bite of the air and the force of his coughing…and from something else that he refused to name.

Asgardians did not fall ill. They were immortal and enjoyed perfect health. Loki had never felt the toll of any form of sickness and this was beginning to frighten him. He realized that he did not know how long a human body could endure an illness before it would succumb or which kinds of sickness were fatal. He had no one to ask. Or did he? Thoughts of Alice once again sprung to his mind and though he knew he had no right to impose upon her, especially after his long absence, he found that he could no longer bear to suffer alone. He would find her and ask her about this illness. If she invited him, perhaps he would spend one night out of the cold and then he would leave her in peace. All plans of using her to get back to Asgard were forgotten now. In fact, Loki found it more difficult each day to remember that Asgard was real and not some fever dream of his own invention. His focus had shifted to mere survival and he no longer held out hope that he would see the golden city ever again. It existed now only in his dreams.

With a great effort, Loki dragged himself to his feet and began to stagger down the road against the wind. By the time he had reached Alice's small, sad building it had begun to snow. It was night and he knew that she would not return from work until morning so he settled down to wait against the outside by the steps. Another cough rattled through him and he stared up into the sky, tears coming again unbidden to his eyes though he ignored them and made no sound. Could his father and mother see him down here, weak and cold and possibly dying? Did it hurt them, he wondered. They were not his parents, not really, but they were the only ones he had ever known.

Had he earned this punishment? He was starting to wonder. The less he had begun to hate these humans, the more discomfort had risen in his heart at the thought of what he had done. Maybe he was wrong even to seek help from Alice. Would she have helped him knowing what he truly was? Loki coughed again and watched his vision blur. Dizzy and exhausted, he curled in on himself and closed his eyes. As he drifted off to sleep, the snowflakes began to cover his trembling form and he dreamed of a shining city where he had known no pain.

* * *

**A/N: **Bit of a depressing chapter for our favorite villain/anti-hero/petulant public nuisance. He did kinda have it coming though. Also an introspective-heavy chapter. If that's not so much your thing, don't worry. Our couple will be seeing each other plenty for the foreseeable future. Hope you liked it! Please remember to review!


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